On My Mind: Heather Havrilesky & Caitlin Moran

“I lived in a cave because at some point I decided it was wrong to be BIG and loud and arrogant and alive. I lived in a cave because I took my cues from the people who were ambivalent about me instead of taking my cues from the people who loved me like crazy. I lived in a cave because I handed out scoring sheets and asked everyone to score me and paid special attention to the NOT VERY SATISFIED CUSTOMERS and ignored the people who said ‘We love the fuck out of you, five stars, keep up the good work!’

That is what I see in you, Too Many Questions. You have chosen the life of the cave dweller. Stop reading the tea leaves of indifferent male faces and get the fuck on with your life. I know you want love. Love will find you, eventually, some time after you stop asking questions and start answering them. Stop asking indifferent strangers about the brilliant sparks emanating from your big head. Indifferent strangers were born to tell you that those sparks are something scary; a house on fire, a burning bush, powers beyond their control, fearsome and loathsome and wrong.”

Buy flowers or if you are poor, steal one from someone’s garden; the world owes you that much at least: blossom-and put them at the end of the bed. When you wake, look at them, and tell yourself you are the kind of person who wakes up and sees flowers…Thinking about blossom before you think about terror is what girls must always do, in the Bad Years”

On this Good Friday, here’s to new starts.

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